Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
