I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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