If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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