We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
