I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
God, I missed his penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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