Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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