Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
