When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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