I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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