We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
