You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
