You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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