You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
