I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
