I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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