It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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