first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
two words...techno handjob
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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