I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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