So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
