how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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