You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
