"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
