5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
