She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
