Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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