i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
