Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
