I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
