I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
