I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
