ya dads aren't the best wingmen
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
