I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
