My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my poor anus
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
