My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
