It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
