i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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