Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
