Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
