____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
