did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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