There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
