Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
