Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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