Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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