can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's shark week go big or go home
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
