Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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