maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
