I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
