Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
