You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
