ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
