My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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