Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
